Thursday, June 26, 2008
Frenemies - Baby Momma vs New Girlfriend
In this time and age the Baby Momma/Baby Daddy syndrome is seemingly increasing 10 fold. The traditional get married and then have kids plan of action has quickly been replaced with the "Oops I got this girl pregnant" from the guy and "I'm pregnant with this no good ass nigga's baby" from the girl. As much as we wish these situations would run smoothly, most times they don't especially when the child was conceived out lust and not love. When you have decided to not be with the mother or father of the child, how do you still mother or father said child without placing your new found God Send in place of discomfort? If you are the new girl or guy, how do you maintain a balance between loving your mates child and not liking the ex if drama arises? Where is do you draw the line on disrespect? As the new girl or guy, do you even have the right to comment on the ex-relationship? What do you do when the child goes from being a "gift" from heaven, to a "lay-a-way" receipt?
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Well in my idea of that BM/BD Syndrome, there is no easy way to apprach that situation AFTER the child has been born. You have to KNOW the kinda person you are dealing with BEFORE you create life with them! In the immortal words of Katt Williams, "why you tripping over Banana Cream Pie, you knew she was crazy!" If you GET TO KNOW the person before you create life with them, you can probably foresee traits that you might have to deal with in the future. From him and from the child in question.
Number 1, when an innocent child is in the midst - doesn't matter how he/she got there (lust or love), all parties involved need to be adults first and not allow past/current feelings and emotions to distract from the matter at hand - the children. Whether the baby mama wants to get along with the new found girlfriend or vice versa, or not. It doesn't matter because once a child is involved, the life of that child should come first.
It helps if you are a mature adult and still don't try to have your cake and eat it too. If you have decided to leave the BM or BD alone, then do just that! He or she is to be left alone and not visited on the sneak tip when your current sunshine has transformed into a thunderstorm. Most often the reason why there are difficulties is because one or both parties still harbor feelings for each other (which is normal) and act upon them from time to time, thus creating mixed signals for all parties involved.
Well I am a BM (1 child) and my current soulmate has a CRAZY BM that they share 1 child with. I have no issues with my son's father and I don't try to pit them against one another. The relationship is LONG over and we both have found true love with someone else. My new love sometimes gets a lil irritated with my son's father as he tries to let him know who's boss in terms of where the child rearing methods lie. I will admit being on both sides of the coin has made it especially hard for me to make choices. On one hand, I feel that the "new" girl of his has no right to reprimand my son when he is with his father, on the other hand I'm not about to let my guys child run over me if I am watching her for fear of what the BM is gonna say. Its a mixed emotional mind field. But I do know that if you are FAIR and respectable there can be a common ground met.
Well Miranda how is that common ground met? I mean you can be as dignified as you want, but if the other broad is a damn fool what do you do. In these scenarios I think it is DEFINITELY the man's place to step in and set the record straight. He has to be willing to set ground rules for each party, so no one feels disrespected. I hate men that jsut sit in the middle and ask dumb ass questions like "what do you want me to do?" Nigga take soft ass to her and tell the bitch to stop disrespecting me, I am NOW she is THEN, your child is ALWAYS!! There shouldn't be conflict if all parties understand that. I mean take for instance, if you (Miranda) were an ex of someone I was dating! I would hate to have to deal with your arrogance and conceit, you probably would get slapped up everytime I saw you, but for what, its not gonna take away the fact that you indirectly are still apart of my life!!
Do what some people i know and ship the kid off to gramdma's house and her let her deal with them,and get back to ur business in a new state.
LMAO at "JYD"!
a child has one mother one father,enough said.peace.
It is true that one man and one mother can make a child JYD, but what about "blended" families, (Will and Jada seem to be doing great at this, dkh!) and extended families?
It is definitely gonna be my place to take a stand, because I don't wanna hear that chit every night from my son's mom, or my new girlfriend. Sure I would have loved to be able to make it work with my son's original mother but that wasn't hwo it worked out. Now I have to make the situation work. When I go to get my son, my new girl is there, she is cordial and so is my son's mom but it wasn't like dat at first! I told my new girl "I have to deal with her she is my son's mom, but you don't have to. So if you think this is gonna be a problem, I love you but ride out. I will never let her disrespect you or take advantage of me, and you will ALWAYS be included when I interact, just out of respect" I then told my son's mom, "there is no need to hate her, she will never harm our child, I would NEVER be with someone who would hurt MY OWN child, its not just your child its mine too!!!"
ur woman or ex cant talk with a fat lip now can she..?
correction JYD, it takes more than donating sperm, and being a easy bake oven to make you a father or mother. If I am raising the child then I am the mother!! If you want to have say so over what the hell is going on, then I'd suggest you raise the child... enough said
Her lip is fat sure, but what about the hands she uses to sign the police report...
hey Ike tuner didnt have any of this shit with Tina.Thats why this day and age is so f-up..Dont blow your load in someone or open ur legs like a 7-11 and make a baby,,plan a future with someone,get married and than think about having kids,,,plan ahead to make a child,,AND USE RUBBERS>>>>people.
I think the child is lucky as hell if both parents are still around in the childs life.This topic is silly,just be lucky the child has two parents around that love him or her.peace enough said i am outy 3000 G
If only life was that easy JYD...what happens when you think you're doing all the right things, wait to get married with someone you love, have a family, build a life together only to have the other party fall in love with another, or out of love with you and you thought you two would be together forever? Now you're stuck being labeled the BM or BD and have to start all over again now with children in tow.
Than u all move to utah and u all live togather in one house..
If four grown ass adults cant deal with this shit than they should have not had kids in the first place.
True true...
I don't think any topic is silly if there are people who struggle with this dilemma everyday. Women fighting the BM, or the new girl, niggas shooting the BD or the new guy. This is real life for some. You seem to be quite knowledgeable about things as your responses are jammed packed with common sense. But what happens when the perfect world you speak of in the "just be happy both parents are in the life" comes to your front door in the form of an angry BD telling you, "don't put yo hands on my son/daughter or I'm gon blow yo head off" What happens when you get this response after you have watched this man's bad ass child all day, fed him and basically been the father for that day, and this lil brat does nothing but f*ck up all day? See how things go from silly to serious in just a split second?
ahhh but there's the gotcha JYD 4 grown ass adults who are responsible wouldn't even have this problem. What do you to once you have be turned from a child sweating in the bed, to an adult or maybe, into a mother or father, and are now placed in this situation where you are forced to deal with the new girl/guy or the baby momma/daddy....
SAy again bitchplease...write it in a complete sentance.
LMAO @ Ike truner!!!!
I sure will right after you spell the word "sentence" correctly...
You know it really kills me how people get on here and try their hardest to insult other commenters and have the nerve to be guilty of the very same damn thing they are calling themselves insulting you for...Typical as I'd expect nothing less from you
bitchplease08,thius aant no spellen bee conteste u here me..lmao.just learn to say a sentence.
I would hope not JYD, otherwise we wouldn't hear anything from you... and I like hearing from you (complete enough)
Yall don’t want my 2 cents on this issue… I feel a lot of women have an unrealistic expectation of how men should handle relationships whether a child is involved or not.
you ever notice how the woman (Not the men) get all ms.new york,and left eye(rip) on your ass about this stuff about bm.U dont see a guy going bonkers over this do you?
Sure we do, we welcome all change, bent up pennies and all! Put yo 2cents in! What are those "unrealistic expectations"?
This right here is why I have perfected the "pull out" technique.....In all seriousness, there is no easy answer to this. It's a problem that affects too many families, most of which are black. The family dynamic is an endangered species to us, brought on by a lack of respect for our women (you could argue lack of respect for ANY women), the Pimp mentality, and too much fucking Maury Povich!!!
Yeah because 9 times out 10 Junk Yard the guy is not at home with kids feeding, washing, and caring after them. They are out in the street with their "new found girlfriend".
now i no why most men take off after they drop there goo in the girl and never see them again..guys dont want the bullshit..
Thats because #1 JYD, a guy aint finna have ongoing problems with a BD, either we gon handle the BD, as the new guy, or we gon check the shit outta the new guy as the BD, or leave the girl alone. Besides that, in these situations men are ALOT less petty about it. Besides who wants to be the man whining about their girl's BD?
Well they need to keep they bull "chit" in they pocket!
not their goo, JYD you are too much for cable...LOL. But on a serious note, if quality guys would choose quality girls and vice versa we may not have this problem. Also if you don't want kids with the girl or guy you are sleeping with then please wear condoms...
Amen to that bitchplease,,i like ur thinking....ur mine kind of girl..lol
The perfect pull out technique? No such thing! LOL, Whatever happened to abstinence people?! That will free you from unwanted children, so you don't have to deal with the BM/BD drama, free you from STD's and free you from any of th emotional trouble/pain dealing with this issue may cause.
Okay I have arrived again.
Let me take up for my girls in this chat. Number one, I don't want no bitch who don't respect me having a hand in raising my child. Women do not look at the fact that the child ALSO belongs to the father who they are currently sleeping with in those types of situations and I would hate to be in jail for killing a bitch who touched mine because she doesn't like me. So yes I have serious problem when it comes to this!
Easier said than done, BP08. For every good woman, is 3 trifling scaliwags in good woman clothing.....
why thank you kindly JYD...(smile)
I hear you Seamus but if you are a quality person, you should be able to tell the difference between sugar and shit BEFORE you get that good joog.. I can (wink)
Lovethyself, I hear Mini-Me has a new sex tape out, looks like that's the direction you'll be going in with this abstinence talk, son.....Have fun with that
amen Seamus, amen to that.....
Seamus it's obvious which head you think with most. Sex wasn't ordained to be just for fun, it is to be shared with the one you love and for procreation. But when you go outside of that realm, you get the baby mama drama, heartache and who knows what else that goes along with having fun with "mini me". Don't let mini me get you in trouble.
Yes!! Yes!! Lovethyself is one of those QUALITY PERSONS I was speaking of....
bitchplease lets me and you drop this place and go grab a drink..wink wink..
JYD, THAT'S IT!!!! I'm on my way over to whip your ass!!!
My thought process is completely filtered from what Captain Happy would have me do, which is why I'm not outside humping a streetpole right this instant. But to say that sex should be only for baby-making and marriage is to go against our human nature, especially since once you get married, the sex is a wrap. (So I've heard.....)
watch out JYD, my bite is much worse than my bark, trust me, YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH... LMAO!!...
Hey Natae....
you pose an intersting point Seamus, but what something has become doesn't have any bearing on what is what SUPPOSED to be
Hell look how gangs started and their purpose (Black Peace Stone Rangers) and what they have become
natae ,,what for ,,,,we can deal with this outside of work,,be professional.. u know you want me bad,,and u want to kiss me and take me out to dinner...love ya baby.
Well Seamus, if you really love the person you marry, (isn't that why you marry them in the first place?) it wouldn't matter if the sex wasn't all that would it?
I don't know if I can agree with that Firefly. I have been in a marriage where the sex wasn't that good. I loved him dearly but sometimes a girl needs to have her garaged cleaned and if the MAN of the house isn;t doing it then what can you do? I'll save that sexless marriage thing for when I am 80 but as for now, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Miranda with a baby carriage. (there was some sex in there somewhere right?)
whoa Natae, JYD could you to be the Frenemies of todays chat? LOL Just kidding
Well you see some of the negative results that can happen with going along with your "human nature" can lead to right Seamus? Yes we are human beings before we are human doers thus we should "think" before we "do".
I ain't mad at cha Miranda, LOL!
Her "garage cleaned out"?! Sweet funky moses, Miranda - will you marry me?! :-P
Sorry, Lovin-yo-self! I got distracted by Miranda's garage.....
will you clean out my garage, the right way? I'm not talking bout, moving things from one side to the other, I mean a thorough cleaning!! (haha)
Miranda you are a whore in the real world as well as in the matrix...
I'll dust all those cobwebs for ya, lmao
oh so I can't flirt with Seamus, while you flirt with JYD. Girl please, I love this stuff. I don't mean any harm, I like this site, and all it has to offer, the good and the bad. Why do you think my comments are one of the first to be received. You guys H2O,Firefly, Airforce really have something here. This spot is provocative, edgy, tackles real life issues and I get to cuss a bitchplease, I mean a bitch out (lol) when I want. This is golden. I can't wait until tomorrow I got some more questions for Professor Grey
See, see this is why we talking about this topic, all this dusting of the cob webs and cleaning out garages, nobody mentioned any love or commitment anywhere, LOL you all are too much!
Seamus you need to work on your verbal foreplay, cobwebs just took me right outta the mood.. lolol
Good, cuz I'm fresh outta tylenol pm's and vodka....next time, sunshine!
for the record, firefly - I did propose before I offered. Who says chivalry is dead?
see Miranda thats what you get for selling yourself via the matrix, he wa gon date rape yo ass
Yeah you did Seamus, I guess chivalry isn't dead but it surely is short lived! LOL!
The tylenol and vodka was for me, beeyotch-please!
No worries, at least upgrade to visine Seamus, tylenol PM is traceable...
come up missing Seamus... hear me?
I see you've done this before, Mrs. Hobbs.....
Sounds like it doesn't it, Seamus. Do I sense a new set of "frienemies"?
I have high profile friends on both sides of the law Seamus. That's my story and Im sticking to it...
Firefly, H20 n Airforce 1, I just want to commend you all on a job well done with your blog site. Your topics and the issues at hand are so real and it's good to hear everyone's comments, be it positive or negative, I'm sure it helps someone, somewhere to deal with the situations they face.
Bitchplease and Miranda Hobbs, they say laughter is the best medicine and you two bring it EVERYDAY! Much luv to you all.
Thank you so much faithful reader (you too Mrs. Hobbs) for your wonderful comments. We created this blog in hopes that we can provide an outlet for those who need a place to "talk chit" ;) or just share ideas and thoughts. We believe everyone has a voice that just needs to be heard sometimes. Whether it be about politics, culture or normal every day issues that most of us experience. We would also like to expand our audience for we know someone out there can find some useful if not thoughtful info from us and our fellow bloggers. So spread the word and we welcome any comments, suggestions and always your usual "chit". Thanks to you all!
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LOL, I guess everyone has their 2cents (uu).
There is no way I can be in a serious relationship with someone who has a child from a previous FLING. I'm not talking about a previous serious relationship, but a FLING GONE WRONG. Usually those flings can get pretty ugly once that oops occurs. Not only would I have to take on the baggage(yeah i said it)of their previous fling-but I may have to deal with his disrespectful ass. NAHHHH. I don't have the time nor patience for that.
You know I used to feel like that too before I had a kid of my own. I didn't want no parts of anyone who had had children with someone - didn't matter if the kids was the result of a "fling" or broken marriage/relationship. But that changed once I was able to look at it from the "other" side. I feel as long as the parent is a good parent responsible and takes good care of their children, I'm ok with dating them. Now when you have kids all over the place with some of err'body, don't even bother to look my way!
I never cared to date a man w/kids due to one bad teenage experience. Now at 29 I am a little more tolerant. The part that kills me is when a man tells me that his kid comes first. Of course they do. a kid is helpless and they're not my competition. We of course will make sure that ur kid is settled. The problem occurs when the BM is blatantly tryna sabotage the relationship. if he can't see that then I don't want any parts of ther dysfunctional family.
just a thought...
If people owned up to there RESPONSIBILITIES life and the economy will be UTOPIA...
If people Right their ERRORS/MISTAKES and learned from them and moved forward, greatness will come.
If that error never happens again... drama and issues will come close in nonexisting.
All you will have is the jealous mf's
But that's just me
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