Monday, July 14, 2008
True Love v.s The Friend & Family Plan
Finding love in this day and age seems nearly impossible. More and more the average person seems to gamble with love accepting the win, place, or show prizes, because of the shortage of "good people" out here. Lets face it, the pool of eligible candidates for marriage is a dying species. Either she has too many issues and/or too much baggage (many kids and/or baby daddy's) or he doesn't have enough credit points on his score and all 6 of his baby mommas are crazy. It's becoming harder and harder to weed through the bull*&^% to find, in the immortal words of Chante Moore, your "Special Perfect One." So when you think God has blessed you with the one you feel was created for you by Him, what do you do when your friends and/or family object to his or her arrival? Could it be their own innate jealousy, the ferocious need to playa hate, or do they see something in your mate that love has blinded you to? How do we determine how to keep our choice in love in perfect harmony with the Fav 5?
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It is very hard to know the right answer to this as I have been on both sides of the coin before. I have had friends who were dating someone that was, to say the least, REALLY bad for them. As a friend I voiced my concerns, I was then looked at as a sh*t starter and told I should mind my own business. That advice would've been fine for me, since I had not asked to be placed in "their" business and this was my best friend we were speaking of here!! So I did mind my own business from that point forward. Then I was told that I was uncaring, and not really a good friend because I offered no emotional support. WTF? I don't know how to be half way involved. Either Im gonna stand there listen to you and not comment, leaving you feeling I don't really care, or I'm gonna get involved emotionally and tell you what I think and feel and run the risk of losing you as a friend to the monster you have partnered with. Either way, teh party involved int he relationship is gonna do what they want to do anyway, regardless of your advice, so my vote goes to the being quiet. If they think I don't care so be it, I cannot be held responsible for your perception being my reality. If you are being treated unfairly as a friend its my job to HEAR your pain, but no where on the application did it say I was supposed to feel it as well....
I'm a firm believer of doing what makes you happy....even if it hurts! You can't get caught up in what others think of the one you're with because at the end of the day when you need a certain kind of attention where will the nay sayers be? Not only that, the nay sayers can't provide the excellent source of Vitamin D that is needed.
My current situation is FAR from ideal. I never hesitate to sabotage a relationship with undeserving people...but for some reason this toxin does everything right...the pillow talk, confidence, undivided attention, honesty, it could be 30 beauties in the room and it's only me he sees.
When someone makes you feel like a schoolgirl...there is nothing anyone can say that can make me not cater to this man spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. Never Financially...LOL!
I'll say this, this topic definitely hits home!!! To me, its your decision to date whomever you want, just like it is your decision to get well after your man whips your ass, after the first time you get slapped, and you don't make any changes, you are subject to any type of violent treatment that he decides to give out. I can't or won't jump IN FRONT of the fist for you!! Think of it this way, your real friends know how much you care, so for them to accuse you of not caring just because you don't want to get invloved in their issues, is silly. If you cannot handle you own demons, at the first sight of demonic activity you should be out!!
There are several rules I live by when it comes to my friends and their relationships. 1) listen when they need to be heard, 2) give advise only when it is asked, 3) be there when they need a should to cry on. Even if I don’t like them personally I inform my friends why I don’t like them but that has no reflection on how my friend feel about him/her. To love my friends is to love who ever they may be with. I have a friend who I wasn’t to crazy about the guy she was with and she knew I didn’t like him from his past mistakes but I never let that get in the way of our friendship. There was days I wanted to just to take off my shoe and beat his a$$ like one of my teenagers but I was nice to him 1/3 of the time. As long as my girl was happy I was cool but when she wasn’t he knew I could slap the taste out of his mouth. My friend is like a lil sister to me and I’ll go to bat for her anytime any place. So what ever man makes her happy even though I think he is no good I’m happy if she is happy.
Mz. Nikki, would your friends initials happen to be A.F.1?
Family and friends should support, offer advice, and a shoulder to cry on if need be and at times cuss you out and tell you what they think! But if they can't be there for you through thick and thin and understand that you are human and make decisions ad mistakes just like they, then a re-evaluation of what friends/family are needs to be conducted.
I don't know, unfortunately I am an emotioned based creature. I feel hurt when my friends hurt, and fon't let it be a family member. I have almost gon to jail dealing with my sister's boyfriends in the past. The ONLY thing that stopped me was the fact that SHE was still in the relationship that I hated so much. At the end of the day, the final decision to be made is theirs of whether to stay in an abusive relationship, however you might not be so quick to say "live and let live" if you have ever had a family memeber to be killed from domestic violence. Personal experience puts a real damper on relationship politics. What may be the "politically correct" thing to do doesn't offer itself when your past meets your present. I'll be damned if I let a nigga hit on my sister, yeah its her choice to be with a man who beats her or not, however its my choice on whether to give him second thoughts or not...
So Miranda if you had a sister, daughter of age, or mother and her man was beating her down, like Tina got beat in the DJ booth, you'd turn the other cheek?
Only if you were the sister BP08!! Family goes by an entirely different scale!!
Would that be the same scale you use to weigh up your crack intake or the one you use for your groceries per week? Lane Bryant is having a sale, better rush on down....insect!
I could never deal with a physically abusive man. I have a friend whose eye was blackend over the weekend. I disapprove of her boo but shes allowed this for going on 5 years now. I cussed her out but I know shes not going anywhere. Thank God for the Serenity prayer. Hopefully she will wake up and leave before its to late.
Domestic violence is a sickness like a drug addiction. You either stay because you feel that he hits u because he's jealous and its cute or you accept it because you are afraid to leave. Either way the victim needs to seek help... but you can talk until you're blue in the face if the vitim isn't tired of going through it they aren't going to leave.
agreed but for my own PERSONAL sanity, for a family member they got ONE TIME. I have gone through that before and aint not ***K that golden to where you need to be punched in the mouth fo rit. Now granted some of us are rather "mouthy" and sometimes deserve to get whacked in the mouth, especially if you know that getting whacked is a possibility. I mean why would you keep egging it on KNOWING that your mate will knock the hell outta you. If you don;t have the good sense to leave at least have sense enough to keep from getting hit...
From experience, I know that family and friends usually have your best interest in mind but sometimes they can take that passion for you too far. You have to be able to discern when someone is being helpful or hurtful. It is a thin line but , my advice is seek God about EVERYTHING! If I had've done that I would've been spared from a lot of situations - emotional and financial. Allow your peoples to help but know where to draw the line. How do u know when and where to draw? Search yours and their hearts. Ask yourself, could they be right? Am I dating a loser that is taking advantage of me through his manipulation and my naive-ness? Many times God has provided the answers but do we let our emotions and circumstance override them?
I say, if you have confirmation in spirit that this is the one, then there is no choice. Your family will come around.
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