Scenario: You and this perfect person have the perfect relationship. Unfortunately, the perfection is interrupted by thier kid(s) with an imperfect attitude who constantly gets in your face to remind you that "YOU ARE NOT MY PARENT". Perfect Person says, "the kid needs time to come around"! Do you:
a) HOLD YOUR PEACE - Wait for the kid to come around for the relationship's sake or
b) SET IT OFF - Risk ruining the realtionship by declaring war on the kid(s) and your mate!
Click on the topic to view Pops dealing with his girlfriend's unruly kids.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
129 comments:
Well in my mode of thinking, I am not coming into the relationship as a father figure. I am coming into the picture as the older and wiser uncle. The one you can talk to when your mom, is spazzing out. i act as a buffer betwen what the mom wants out of the kid, and what the kid wants out of the situation. There is no easy way to handle these types of situations because if you are too lax, the girl will tell you that you do not support her and you need to "man up" and if you are too harsh, you are told by the kid as well as the mom sometimes that you are not his father. So don't try to be a parent try to be s stream of consciousness. Be that inner voice in his head that is suggestive and non-threatening. Also try to spend time with them with and without the mom, to get to know the real them, and not the them they put on for parents!! This way you can or may have a better understanding of why they do the things you do. If that doesn't work then you need to tell ol girl to get her bad ass kids in order!! If the child tells me "you aint my father!" I'd tell him "you're right because my kids wouldn't act this way!!!" LMAO!!!
I personally would never put my man in that position. Children should be respectful to ALL adults and just because the person is not the sperm donor doesn't mean he does not deserve respect. If my man is a GOOD man and is not mistreating my kids, then my kids will be reprimanded twice, once by him because he was the adult around at the time (within reason of course) and once by me for embarrassing me in front of my man and letting him know that I have raised HELLIANS instead of the little Angels I told him I had.
PS that song in the title link is too funny!!! I really like how you guys incorporate a video or song with the title!!
Well I say since I'm not yo mama then you jus deal wit yo daddy and advise my mate to never leave his kid alone wit me 4 I kill'em.... People have kids by folks that's ignorant and therefore spawn ignorant kids I'm not the one to deal with that sh#$$..... It's a lot of bm's that tell their kids they don't have to respect their bd's girlfriend/wife on purpose cuz they mad they are not together anymore!!!
SOOOOO true Knowitall, SOOO true!!
SET IT OFF.....I'll be damned if a toddler dictates my relationship. Although virtually impossible, I'd rather not date a man with kids for this reason alone. I will NOT wait for a kid to come around because I believe a child should stay in thier place.
How well does that go over if YOU are the child in question? You miss your father or mom, and you are experiencing all these emotions that are not being catered to. You didn't ask to be here, you didn't ask for your family unit to be disrupted. Yes you should stay in your place as a child, but does that mean that you should have NO opinion what so ever about who is running your life, all of a sudden? You don't know this new person. If you do have an opinon should you be made to feel that you cannot talk to anyone about it? This new situation is NOT your fault or your doing as the child, so it shouldn't be your cross to carry.
If the child in question can express their concerns in a way besides yelling at or disrespecting me, we or them and their father ahould take the necessary steps to address the situation at hand. I am not opposed to doing a family meeting or counseling to make the transition smooth. If my presence is creating that much of a problem with him and his kid then I will gladly pardon myself from the situation before it gets ugly.
The single parent will have to address this sooner or later if they plan on ever being with someone.
"Welcome to the good life Homie tell me whats good why I only got a problem when you in the hood? Welcome to the good life
Like I'm new in the hood the only thing I wish, I wish a nigga would....!" I hear you Kanye, a child does have the right to have mixed emotions but he or she does not run the household. If the new person is not bringing harm to the family, then the child will have to make the adjustment. they didnt ask for this no, but neither did you, and since you are th eone who makes the decisions for the childs welfare, this decision is no different
I know that's right dat nigga
All of my X's had kids (plural) bringing it to a total of about 10 (give or take) I was like Mr. Clark (Lean on me) when it came to these kids? Rules & Regulations are appropriate and in order. The kids usually were running over their Momma & saying “what” when she called them, etc. I am very old school, so when I ended up "shacking" with her, I came in like the wind. I do it kinda smooth, then w/ the iron fist. The kids usually could not stand me @ first, then in a New York minute they ended up coming to me before they would go to their Mother and/or real Father. To this day, all of my (God kids) love me & wish I was still around...Kids love and need discipline.
You know if my mate is perfect than I would try to be as nice as possible to the kid because I don't want to miss out on a good man because their kid is not with the program. I would really want my relationship to work so I would go above and beyond to make friends with the child and find out what the problem is.
Okay Daddy mello, let's say you shack with someone whose kids are the super rebellious get up in your face type (teenagers). What do you do then. It's beyond discipline, hell they don't even respect you. How do you handle it then
..you would be surprised the lasting impact you could leave on a kids life...shit it may just save theirs or someone else’s life or maybe even change the generational issues in their family's lives & value. Kids love to model themselves after people..so I attempt to guide them with the good part of me?
Yeah daddy mel to the o what do you do then when the kid ain't going for your iron fist.
AF1, been there, done that, got the T-shirt girlfriend? I cannot say what to do w/ every kid, because they are all as different as finger prints. However, baby, I even had to manage a teenager that was latino. Shit try a black man telling a Rican teenager what to do? I promise it worked...shit she was mad I didn't make her graduation? She didnt care that her real Father didnt come?
I don't know ananymous. I like what miranda said. He needs to control his kids and make sure they are respectful to you. If you be to nice they gone start spiting on you and calling you out your name and running all over you.
Well that's a risk I'll have to take if you I really love him to truly love a man is to accept his kids too!
Sorry I meant that's a risk I'll have to take if I love him
I haven't had that problem...yet?
I have managed more kids then Bearsterns did portfolios? All kids are different. I didn’t have a rule book & I didn’t always say or do the right thing; sometimes I had to literally improvise to each situation. I figure God must be training me to deal w/ my daughter when she becomes a teen. It should be a holiday in honor of men, dealing w/ other people’s kids & staying on top of our own!
No Mello keep it real, those mommas kept them kids in check because they wanted to "flap their wings" **wink-wink**
Man I really prefer to deal with men who don't have children because I don't have time for the drama w/the kids and the bm's
That's what they callin' it now Princess..lol, you a fool girl...
I think she's talking about the butterfly mello lol
A cop tell a prostitute she can't be selling sex. She says I'm not I'm selling condoms with pussy samples.
Uhm Anonymous wtf does that have to do with this topic? I ask u?
Use condoms and you wont be talkign about this topic that's what.
This is tough and as a parent I understand both sides - the children and the adult. #1 in this day and age I don't think a kid HAS to give respect to an adult - not to say they should be disrespectful either. Just as kids trust has to be earned so does respect. I would want my mate to understand this and also my kids were here first so technically you should be the one trying to gain the respect and trust. If my child gets out of line that's for ME to deal with not my mate. #2 we practically have to ready to walk down the aisle before I let my kids get to close to the person I'm dating. If you ain't in it for the long haul, you need not meet my child.
Ok riddler(batman) why didn't you jus say that?
Ok firefly I hear you on that but what if your mate is doing more for your child than his own father then what?
If a child has the option of not respecting me as an adult whether or not I'm dating the father or if I'm the neighbor, then that kid needs not come in contact with me. A child/adult realtionship should not be based on likes or dislikes because we have nothing in common.
I'm cool with not meeting a kid until we walk down the aisle because it personally gets on my nerves when I have to look at Jr.'s pictures in the wallet and hear about what they did that was so cute. That stuff is cute to the parents only, not the potential mate.
That is because you are allowing him to knowitall. Not to say there's anything wrong with that. Is this person doing things because they truly really care and love my child(ren) or is he doing it because they want to get closer to me or think this will make me feel better about him? Like I stated if he is seeking long term matrimonial commitment I can allow him to do for my child - but not expect. If he is just someone I'm dating I and there is no long term then more than likely this person would not know or be around my child that much. Maybe if we are out in public places, or if he is coming and my child is going. Who I DATE is for me not my child. Who I am seriously seeing and potentially going to spend the rest of my life with my child has o get know and vice versa.
Perfect example of what I'm saying bm's tell their kids that don't have to respect you what do I look like trying to earn the trust of a 2yr old that's crazy like I said keep yo kid away 4 I kill'em
Ok firefly so when do you introduce yo kid... after yall been 2gether for 1-2 years?
If a baby momma tells her kids they don't have to respect you she's the ignorant trife that can't get over her emotions. Like I said you shouldn't have to deal with your mates kids unless you both are pursuing something long term esp. if they are getting coached to disrespect you. I agree run the other way cause if you are dealing with it in the early stages, you may have to deal with it down the road.
It depends KIA, whenever you, your mate and the children feel comfortable. A child shouldn't have to be forced to meet a person you are dating and vice versa. If a child asks about their parents mate and nine times out of ten if the child is old enough to talk and understand you are dating, he/she will ask to meet them. If they show no interest or act rebellious because maybe they still want mommy and daddy to be together that's ok and it's normal. Whenever everyone is ready.
So if your mate ready to meet your kid but your kids not then you won't set up a meeting? What if your kid's never ready and you are really feeling this guy what do you do then
Knowitall, you don't even like other peoples kids.
Lmmfao!!!!!!!! That's why I'm tryna get an understanding of how that whole thing should work in case I do go there w/a nigg who gots a brat already
well like dat nigga said, the parent is who makes the decisions for the welfare of the child, if the lil shit doesn't like me, then guess what, we aint sleeping together so he aint gotta, but he or she DOES have to respect me just like any other kid on the street. You aren't bound to any rules that any other kids arent bound to!! I wouldn't deal with no smart ass kid off the street and I damn sure aint dealing with one cus the dick I like got one. If he don't have enough sense to explain to his child that "approval is not needed but acceptance is a must" then he aint the man for me. It's not about choosing me over the child it's about teaching your child that he has to respect adults PERIOD. So if the child gives me more lip than I want to deal with, I have kids of my own that will handle it.. LMAO!!!
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO True BP08
Knock-Knock
Let me guess it's the riddler
That's not how you respond
who's there? Bobby Valentino Anon?
lol! :\
I would rage war on the kids & mate as well, if the mate can't get their kids in check then ur relationship is doomed anyway... The parent should make the child deal with this tansition simply because it won't b the last time that a child is going to have to accept something he\she has no controll over... in fact this could very well a many of lifes lessons... children are not stupid, if your smart enough to say im not your parent, then your smart enough to learn that sometimes in life u can't have your way and that nobody cares if you do or not.... if the mate can't understad that he\she can kick rocks...
CMON ANON!!! please find a name so when you post I can have someone to slap 5 with sheesh!!!
I know that's right anon go head w/yo bad azz
Yeah, beacuse the earlier Anon said she would be run over by the kid before she ruins the perfect relationship. We don't want to mix you two up.
not wage war?!! You taking it a bit far aint you ANON? LOL
Well I see nothing wrong with wanting to salvage my relationship over having some spoiled kid run me away!
and there is nothing wrong with that ANON #1, however if you want to have sex with your mate are you gonna ask the kids permission as well, like ANON #2 said, there will be millions of times when the kid will have to accept something he or she doesn't want to, better to have him start off at home, then to be in school shooting up a college campus because of it...
Im anon, and hell yeah, "Rage War" its not 4 u 2 check somebody eles's kids.. If your the one with kids then you need 2 prepair b 4 u get n 2 a relationship, im not sayin how u should prepair but u neend do sumthin, u shouldent bring nobody n 2 no shyt like dat... lik I said "Rage War"
I personally think it is the responsibility of the original parent to ease that transition. I mean if the child won't listen to the ORIGINAL parent, aint too much you can say in your defense correct?
I'm just saying nothings going to be perfect if I don't have to see this kid too often in first place then it won't kill me to be nice the few times we are around each other. As long as my man is happy then I'll be happy.
Screw that like I said keep'em away from me 4 I kill'em
Like I said, RAGE WAR.... I WUZ ANON, BUT NOT ANYMORE, BECUSE THAT SHYT DAT DA OTHER ANON IS SAYIN IS BULL, LONG AS HE HAPPY SHE IS,,,,, PLEEEEZE
I'll be nice too, and respected as well! Like I said I don't play that shit with kids in the street and I aint gotta deal with them so I for damn sure aint finna take it from no kid that I have to come into contact with!! Besides that who doesn't have kids and if you wait on their approval you'll be single for the rest of your life!!
what about YOU anon, remember YOU, what makes YOU happy?!!
welcome SunMoonSet (SMS)
Him being happy makes me happy when I'm with someone their happiness is my happiness!
I TOTALY AGREE, KNOWITALL AND BITCHPLEASE
Homie don't play dat unruly kid sh@@!!!!!
thats all fine and dandy but have you ever heard of this saying ANON "to gain one is to lose oneself"
Dear love is supposed to enhance an already completed life, not do the completing.
So I'm guessing when you are single you can't find happiness anywhere right? "Puhlease just cuuut it out..." cmon Rihanna I hear you knockin!!
Anon#1 if I was the kid I'd make you hop on one foot while barking when company comes over. I be like watch what this fool do.
All this can be avoided if ya'll would do what Daddy Mello said. Become Mr. Clark meets Bernie Mack! The hell w/ all the extra commentary...lol
its obvious you morons put YOUR love life b4 your kids. thats y your kids will be easy targets 4 pedophiles cause u so busy tryin to "live" yo life. Once u have kids your life is dedicated to them.
no deciding what is BEST for the childs greater interest is being a parent. I'm not sure how telling your kids to be respectful is in any form a show of self indulgence. I also don't take to kindly to insults. "Dedication" doesn't mean "enslaved by" boo and like mello said I won't be jumping around like the bitch off coming to America to appease no child, no time. Good luck with your backwood thinking, we will see how far your rants are taken when you are the new booty in question ANON...
That wasn't me! I'm the original Anonymous you know my man's happiness is my happiness
And anyway anon you do have to have a life outside of your kids because if you live your life for your kids when they grow up and get a life of their own then what are u gonna do? I plan on doing the very best for my kids but my whole life will not revolve around my kids k pumpkin!!! Mama gottta to have a life too!(baby boy)
well think abt that life u wanna hav before u have them baby girl. u wanna party and hav fun your whole life dont hav the little rug rats.
That's where you are wrong you can have kids and still party and have fun too you can do both!!! Jus because some loooooooooosers choose to sit around up under their kids all the damn time doesn't mean you are a bad parent if you wanna go out have fun!!!
I agree knowitall, what n da hell iz anon talkin bout? BOTTOM LINE: kids need 2 stay n a childs place, u must have order when dealin with children or they will run your life.... and when I say order I mean tellin them u " u will respect my mate or dats ur ass, u will go to bed @ a certin time, u will go 2 school ect.." And when u have dat n order, u can go out kick it and have fun.. Its not what u do its how u do it.. I know I wus n check when I wus a kid......
There are some great Step parents out here too, Anon. everyone is not a pedophile. Sense you are so concerned about who is in whose house, make sure you married and YOU wont have these problems.
I'm so tired of these damn Anon.'s please choose a name. *under choose an identity click on Name/URL, create any name you want and then post ur comment* It's 3 Anon's on here. Me, SMS and KIA need to make sure we get in the right ones ass. Now bring it!
ATARI, U R CRAZZY LMAO! " hop on one foot" lol...... anon needs a man and sum kids 1st b4 he\she says anything.. Or she must not b dealin with black kids! U cant b soft like dat when dealing with children im most sure that anon has neither a mate or kids talkin like dat...
That's exactly what I'm talkn bout sms don't need to stand over my child if they are sleeping I can be out having some grown folks fun!!!
ANON doesn't ahve any kids or she would know that they can't decide YOUR future, you decide theirs!! Miss me with all that!! You know good a dman well when you were little your momma told you somethign and you did it. ANON's ridiculous rants are the main reason why kids shooting up schools now!!! (See my sceenname) My mother wasn't 10 years older than me so she was able to be MY MOM and not my damn friend!! I thank her for that because your friend is gonna tell you something because it is how they feel, your momma gon tell you something because that is the way it is!! Kids need boundaries otherwise you are gonna end up with Shaniqua preggo at 15 and lil Ray Ray in jail at 16!!
Well I have dealt with black men and their children and sometimes I find they just need a little patience and understanding. Actually When I'm nice to them they respond better. And I know it makes my man happy that me and his child are getting along.
The original anon
there is a BIG difference from being nice and being a doormat correct? I am a good person, not a nice one, and therefore am not able to be pissed on and told that it's rain....
I hear you dont worry. Being nice does work especially if you're dealing with kids who were raised right. I dated an older man with teenage daughters from his marraige who didn't like. At his family party they cut in while we were dancing than had the nerve to sit down after the interruptuin and they alway talked bad to me. In front of their family. It's only so much I can take. He never thought it was a problem and said I was over reacting. I no longer dael with him.
Or getting peed on by R.kelly at 14
My relationship is most important and the thing I've learned is that there are always gonna be outside distractions I'm steadfast in not letting them ruin my relationship weather it's children x-girlfriends or baby mamas
but if you are dealing with kids who were raised right, you won't have to ba anyone but you, because they know their place. But on the flipside Karmically speaking, if you are an asshole, please expect those attributes to be returned!!
Girl that sounds like the "light skins" princess....
To hell with all that bs don't worry be happy my relationship is important but if somebody's kid is disrespectful then they are gonna feel the wrap!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And they daddy too if he don't check the lil mofo!!!!!!!!!!!!s
Agreed knowitall, first Im gonna be very dignified and tell my mate my feelings and guage his reactions, then if no course of action has been taken, then they gon find out why my name is bitchplease!!
Knowitall, I like u..... check yo kids or I will, dats da attitude 2 have.. But u knw what it takes all type of people 2 make da world go round, it takes soft ass parents who let their kids run over dem..as well as stern ones who dont have it.... I ask myself how would I know what type of parent I didn't want 2 b if I never saw a lame one....
Thats what I'm talking about. Hey you know I leave to go on vacation tomorrow. So that's why I've been wrapping up here and not on TC. Sense being on here I don't get no work done...LOL!
tell me about it princess!!!
Sometimes you have to kill people with kindness! That includes children too! If you take the nice approach then you will get better result and then everyone's happy especially my mate which is most important to me
WaH wah wah wah wah!!!! That's all I hear when you talk don't worry!! miss me with all that make my mate happy if his kid(s) are unruly it's going down!!!!!!!! I will send it up quick because disrespect is sumthing I don't play from dogs, cats, bird, men,women, or children K pumpkin!!!!
I was nice, because I went and sat down. My ex's kids are teens. They already have their mind set if they're gonna liek you or not. You can prolly buy a little kid something and win them over really quick. Them damn teens already think they are grown.
Look here grapefruit, the bitches of the blog have already been identified and you were the ring leader. This is why she has a man. We you, me, af and bp don't have a man. I know miranda don;t got one either...she be fronting. Anyway, like we've been told see what's within of course don't get ran over but be flexible. Kids may need a little adjustment like MH said.
Where is goofus poofus? I need to cuss him out b4 my vacation...LOL!
Whatever Princess!!!!!!!!! If somebody being disrespectful their ass is mine!!!!! K wimpcess!!!
damn bitch I got a man, how dare you, I cant speak for Miranda Snobbs, and Knowitall, but I'm just fine. Thanks for the concern, now get to that vacation before you come up missing!! LOL
Knownothing you aint going to whoop nobody kid. BM will be all over your ass
I know everyone doesn't approve of my methods but it really works for me I just need my man too be happy no matter what the situation is because I eventually want to be married and have kids of my own that is more important to me than money success or power!
Look bitchcess!!!!!!!!! I don't got a man but if you had one I could have yours k pumpkin!!!!!!!!!! And I wish a mofo bm would step to me!!!
Don't Worry don't be intimidated by the wicked step sisters and their new sidekick PMS aka SMS (sun moon set)....LOL! They aint going to crush a grape in Welch's back yard.
the only adjustment gets need is a "stay in a child's place lecture" Again a child not liking you is a BIG difference from a child being disrespectful. i never liked my moms boyfriend but I wasn't no asshole about it cus my mom woulda got in my ass! I didn't have to like him I wasn't sleeping with him. I was respectful and so was he, and we KNEW we didn't like each other. Sooner or later God saw fit to remove him from our lives, that's when I told my mom how I felt. To avoid conflict while they were dating because I had enough respect for my mom and put her happiness first.
okay princess....
your vacation is calling and the Titanic is waiting
DWBH, you woild pick this long ass name...LOL Doesn't matter what we think. We ain't got no damn man. We all want to be married too. But real talk make sure HE is taking care of you too. Physically, mentally and emotionally. If not you can ask Professor Grey on Friday's about how to put a root on him.
Are you African-American?
NOT A ROOT!!!!! LMFAO!!!
U right! If I wuz n "Welche's back yard" da last thing I would b doin is crushin grapes im sure they got sum wine on deck for after I cruch sum poor kids braces for givin me 2 much lip!
right SMS let the church say.....
Let's pause for station identification. Who in the fuck are you? Find yourself then come talk to me. Aight John Doe. And may you get hit by a parked car on your way home.
I'll drink to that!
Yes I'm black! But I mean that's what's really important to me now at my age! It has been instilled in me that money will leave good looks will leave but love from family and friends will always be around.
I might, and you may be turned into a jack-o-latern with GD glasses before you go on vacation. (A bitch with her teeth knocked out and black eyes) I know who I am and I know who you are too!
Better yet DWBH go to Astrogically Speaking and tell the Professor your sign and your mates sign and see if y'all are even compatible while you putiing up with these damn kids. Cause if y'all aint you could fuck a kid up tonight and move on to the next one. You one of them nice women. Somebody would be happy to have you.
BP and KIA and Miranda don't shut up. They'll never have a man. You can get another one.
I hope I didn't scare you with the race question. We ain't gonna bite. We'll know it all does, but I don't sense "Diary of a mad black woman when you speak".
your my man princess now where that damn check its Friday I knwo you got paid today I need my damn hari done punk ass nigga
Big talk from a person scared to use a phony name on a secure sight. Puhlease. Go play in traffic blindfolded, backwards on Halsted.
and why would I want to do that then I'll have to look at you trolling for dick on Clark & Hubbard
I love you too, BP!
You would do that so you can die. BTW did you mention something about GD's. LOL That's what you on. How Pathetic. The real ones are locked up you're still around because......right. Okay dirty folks. I'm out.
To the evil step sisters, keep it going I'm outta here.
Bitch ass ANON. be sure to get shot by a teenager in Roseland okay. I'm headed to Midway now be back in a week. The flight leaves at 5:30 catching the orange line. Jack-o-lantern...LMAO. It's called a Punkin' head...Lame. Swell me up. I just told you where to find me. You already know who I am.
Peace Y'all
NO dumb ass a punkin head is when yo head gets swole, a jack-o-lantern is when yo choppers get knocked the fuck out for runnin that mouth. You be on your way to midway to catch the El back to clark and hubbard? You aint goin nowhere! You know good and well that a sperm taste tester don't get no vacation time nor pay. I'm not GD but I have given out the glasses. I mean I have my reading glases on now which is why you are being banished from the site. Princess aint fooling nobody yall. Her reading skills are minimal and she's outta her league. League of extraordinary Gentleman.
see all this talk abt a kid better respect yo mate is why they have they own kids at 15 & 16. Y u so busy doing it up & having fun yo kids see that and thinks it's ok for them to do it too. Lead by example, teach instead of always preaching. I can tell YOU all are black cause low self esteem runs rapid in the black community. yelling and demanding respect from your kids is not really the way to go. try building them up and guiding them instead of yelling at them! It's funny that when you turn on the newseverday it's only black kids showing up dead.
Not according to Virginia Tech boo all them kids were white... NEXT!!
I'll give you a little time for a comeback, its very often that someone comes on here (usually anonymous) to spit some garbage that they think is the answer, get let hae it, and then have to regroup, its understandable, just try to form a logical defense before tomorrow... insect!!
Don't forget Columbine.
and check your basement anon, that's where white folk like Charles Manson and John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy and Jeffery Dahmer, Hide the bodies. Well not Jeffery because he had his victims for lunch! All are white. Low self esteem people commit suicide, ANOTHER WHITE characteristic. There is NO such thing as a black EMO kid, fucking loser get yo dumb ass outta here with that crap!! Learn the facts and leave fiction to the blogsites!! Your race is the one the cannot deal with conflict we have been dealing with yall bullshit for years, we already know how to deal with self esteem...
Low self esteem runs rapid in the black community...well why are so many white kids on suicide watch, 14 year old prostitutes and in and out of rehab by the time their 18.
Speaking from experience... though my BF and I had a long history before we got back together as (the short version) we met 20 years ago, I got pregnant didn't tell him the child was his, he joined the Navy, we both married other people and about 9 years ago I told him about his son. His wife at the time (now XW) wouldn't allow him to have a relationship with our son and he had to choose between his marriage and his son. He chose the marriage that they were not happy in but were working on then they decided that a child would make it all better - LOL!! Went on to have a child of their own and are now divorced.
They seperated and he wanted to meet our son and I was divorced so we started seeing each other as the chemistry we had was still there... and very strong. It took them over a year to even file for divorce because she was a whack job and wouldn't discuss it when he would bring it up. Everyone except her and thier child knew about him and I dating. My son was eager to meet his 1/2 brother as I was eager to move forward with the relationship that began so long ago.
But we waited. We waited until the divorce was final - the ex found out right before it was final but there wasn't anything she could do at that point. So it's been 8 months now since we met (I still haven't met his ex and don't really want to). But the BF's DS is having a difficult time with his mom and dad not being together. He is 7. Even though he knows they are not getting back together he "doesn't like me" but he does as I can tell with some of the things we do together, he just doesn't like the situation. He loves having a big brother, even though they don't spend a lot of time together as he is 18. BF's DS is starting to act out, cry when I am coming over, etc. At first he was fine with me, didn't have any problems then all of a sudden I his mom began to wig out whenever we were going to do something together. I think the child sensed that she wasn't happy about it and he started to have issues. So lately it's a struggle. I am trying to be patient and allow him to have his time to get used to things but when he starts acting like a spoiled little brat and manipulating both parents it's a bit hard to swallow.
So my advise to you all is be patient, let things happen but don't let your partner's children wait forever to "come around". Pick your battles and decide if certain things are deal breakers. If I didnt' have the history/chemistry with my BF I WOULD NOT be dating a man with a young child as both of my children are 18 and 22....
It's ap-parent that those who are childless will have void feelings of someone else's "unruly" children. After all, if you've never had your own little urchins, it can be difficult to understand when a kid may seem to want to start their own one man band when you are in the midst of a good conversation, or when the "look at me" game seems like the most important game in the world when your concentration is on something else. That is why most single parents tend to hook up with other single parents because it this common language that is automatically understood, and no explanation is needed. If you are void of children and Hanna Montana and Gabriela and Troy are unknowns to you, it may take a great deal of patience and understanding to deal with your everlasting love’s little loved ones. Even moreso may be the case of the ex who seem to want others to share in his/her “lonely” misery. But whatever the case maybe, know what you want in the relationship, know what you can and can’t deal with, and be honest with yourself and your partner.
You know if you have a unruly child parents need not kid themselves!!! If you can barely deal with the lil mofo how do you expect anyone else too so of course weather someone has children or not they are not gonna wanna deal with your child no matter what the child may feel about the situation between their parents and their new mates!!!!!!!!!!!
@ Advice... I agree, if the mother can influence the kid to dislike and disrepect you she will. My friend is dating a guy with a 4 year old. While cleaning the 4-yr-old asked her if he could help, so she gave a towel and let him wipe something. Of course when he went home and told his mommy he wiped something she called my friend and raised hell about her having the kid clean anything. We know damn well a 4-yr-old can't do too much. Kids are really not that tough to win over. It's the ignit person a.k.a their miserable parent that creates a problem for the child and why they act up around the new person.
Post a Comment