What is considered the perfect relationship? Is there a difference between the perfect relationship and a relationship that is perfect for you? Often times we lose sight of what is real in our lives because we are too busy focusing on what "can" or "could" be instead of what "is." All relationships have issues but what if you have fallen in love with the person who you have considered your soul mate, and they have or have contracted an STD? Whether its a life threatening disease or not, do you continue down your path of bliss, or do you call it quits as soon as the results are in?
For example the Plavix commercial claims that we can date a person stricken with herpes without the risk of contracting it IF they take their meds as prescribed. Is there a way to have a healthy relationship knowing that all sexual interactions with this person are risky? What are your thoughts on sex in relationships? Is it more or less important than mental and emotional security?
Thursday, September 4, 2008
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44 comments:
This is a toughy. I know if it were me, if my partner could have a relationship with me and not have sex with me then I could do it. There are plenty of other things I could do with him to get him off and me that doesn't require intercourse and as long as I get mine and he gets his what is the problem? If he starts forcing sex, I'm outta there because to me, that seems like he is TRYING to get me right together....
If I cannot have sex I am not dating you. The intimacy one shares during sex is the whole reason your boyfriend is different from your friend. Im not looking for companionship, I'm looking for animalistic attractions!! Save all that companionship for when you are 80 years old and your equipment stops working...
People with incurable STD's need love too. I personally don't think I'd entertain a romantic relationship with an infected person, but here is the catch, how many people do you kiss or have you slept with that have given you an STD all because they didn't disclose their illness to you. Look at people in committed relationships who bring something back home and after they're cleared up they stay in a relationship. So a person who is up front with you and responsibly trying not to pass the infections to you maybe should be given a chance. This is tough. I really don't know how to answer this.
whoa Miranda, looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the litter box this morning....
Cookie and Magic still fucking. Don't say it can't be done.
I see your point arm charm but must I make a decision between my happiness and theirs? I mean look at it this way. If its HIV do I have to one day wonder when it will turn to AIDS then I have to endure watching you get sick and die, that is one emotional roller coaster that I do not mind standing in line for HOURS to ride...
I don't think I could bare it...
never thought of it that way Bell...
Thats because magic BEEN cured, he aint suffering from that disease no more, there is a cure for the rich, the poor - mid class Black and Latino communities are the ones who are in danger the most...
I am a huge germ-a-phobe and can't stand to be around a person with a bad cough. Therefore, I wouldn't fare too well with a mate who has a communicable disease.
Welcome Belladonna!!!
No doubt Magic is cured now but I'm certain they had protected sex when he was first diagnosed. HIV+ people are in sexual relationships. I assume they use condoms, too.
The Plavix Commercial says, "he has herpes and I don't but we still kiss" and then they kiss on the TV. Same thing with Genital warts they still fucking.
We've watched people get sick and die with cancer lupus and sickle cell so whts the difference with a loved one who is suffering with HIV?
Glad to be hear Airforce
Armcharm the difference is, Cancer, Lupus and sickle cell are not sexually transmitted, nor is it contagious. I can't catch cancer from loving you, but I can catch HIV from that. Condoms are not 100 percent, they tell you that in any free clinic. If you can get pregnant and you have used a condom, then...
you know where I am going with this....
I just cannot do it...
welcome Belladonna!!! Please note that sometimes the conversations here do get a little racey, please do not let it deter you from a second date with us!! LOL
Sex is what brings you closer together! That intimacy can not be obtained by talking! I have never felt closer to a man after we have had sex. But I could not conduct a relationship with a person that has an incurable disease or any other kind that is too much for me to bare relationships are difficult enough on their own without the added pressure of a disease being thrown in there!
Those diseases are not contagious but their deaths are equally devastating.
I don't think I could do it either but these commercials make you feel like NO PROBLEM BUDDY Take Two Of These & Call me In The Morning...LOL!
Welcome Whaz yo Fantasy? Enjoy!!!
Answer this Bella Ms. Hobbs and Fantasy, if the Dr. told you tomorrow that you had caught an incurable something would you not want to be in a romantic relationship. Should you be banished and treated like a leper?
Thanks H2O but I can take care of myself.
its just that things are alot rougher when you are dealing with something that could kill you both...
I am a friend of one of the authors and I asked him to post this for me because I am currently dealing with this and I wanted to know others' opinions.
I love my husband but he contracted something from some nasty female and now I have to rearrange my life in lue of this. I was confused because here it is, I have a choice to make and its the hardest choice I have ever had to make...
I wouldn't want to be alone, but I would definitely not fault someone who was conflicted about being with me...
and if its a disease caught sexually that might very wel make me want to NEVER be intimate again..
well on this side of the fence we run into this kinda thing more often that your average.
Me personally I have an intense connection with people anyway. My character doesn't allow me to NOT be close to someone I am in a relationship with. Our connection doesn't solidify or dissolve due to sex. In fact I can do all kinds of things to get a climax without you putting you killer instinct in me..
But then again I was never a fan of all that anyway..
I wouldn't want to be alone either but I just wouldn't want to ever subject someone to what I'm having to deal with by having this disease! That is 100% as far as protection and I would never be able to forgive myself if I passed it on to someone else!
I hear what you are saying armcharm, believe me I do, but that is no reason to give God a two for one deal, just because you love someone.
I agree with Dat Niggas first statement, if he did not force sex on me, then I could probably do it. But it would be hard, soooo hard!
dont forget condoms are NOT 100% people get pregnant everyday wile using condoms so if them lil fuckers can get through there, then anything can.
What people don't know is that the HIV virus is carried in the precum, not in the semen itself and if you have it, and have sex with someone who has it as well, you both run the risk of doubling your viral load..
Damn Bella that IS tough. I can't imagine what you're going through. I would still be livid about the infidelity.
I have a friend who is HIV+ and her boyfriend is having unprotected sex with a lot of girls still and then burns her as if her immune system can take that. She stays because she doesn't want to infect anybody else but it's doing more damage than good.
Honey you've gotta fast and pray on this one because I don't think I have the nerve or finances of Cookie to see Magic work. You have made vows to bond you in sickness and health and I'm sure you love him but you gotta love you more.
Yeah it is rough because I love him, he cheated and now he brought this shit to me..
Belladonna my heart goes out to you. As a person who has been cheated on and cheated with one thing I can assure you of is cheaters never change.
I'm not going to tell you to leave your man but I am going to say that if you stay it's highly likely that he will do it again.
How many other times has he cheated that went undetected. This was the Universe's way of getting your attention because he's been real slick about it in the past.
Like you said why make a 2 for 1. This is your mental and physical health. Stress will kill you just as fast. I know this has you in a state of disturbia. It's never too late to start over and there is nothing like having a piece of mind.
Bell sometimes love just ain't enough you have to love you more and do what's best for your physical and mental health!
Belladonna,
Listen, I usually don't make an appearance until Fridays when I host Astologically Speaking, an advice column that helps people deal with things going on in their life through astrology, but I do read along everyday.
The first thing you have to do, si determine or factor in the fact of is this STD your husband has contagious and curable or contagious and fatal?
If it's curable then you do have a chance of salvaging your relationship (If that is what you want) After he is cured and life and health is good, then you must deal with the fact that he was unfaithful. Chances are this has scared him straight, and he will think twice about going stray again.
If the disease is contagious and fatal, you may need to do what is best for you and if you have children, for them. If you do not think you can have a positive relationship with him because of hsi cheating then end it and let him know it has more to do with the fact of him being unfaithful than it does his health.
Say that and mean it, that way your conscious will be clear and you can move forward. At the end of the day, you NOW have a choice he doesn't...
Take Care
Agreed Bell, you have to look out for you, because sorry to say, your man wasn't. Take the power out of his hands and put it back in yours....
When your heart is free
Its easy to make a decisions
when your head is clear
you know you have good judgement
but when your life is turnin topsy-turvey
and you have no reasons for whats disturbing
remember these words, father said to me
he said
Keep your head up, don't say you love him
walk away from all that is hurting
find your power, you know you're strong
make that step and it will help you along
Chaka Khan...
WOW!! That was beautiful Dat Nigga!!
Thank you, you all are like family in here. Are you all always this helpful and compassionate toward each other?
HECK NO!!!!! BELL!!! LMFAO!! If you go back to the home page and read some of our past topics and comments, you'd swear we hated each other.
There were days when the topic was no longer the issue at hand and we were all at each other's throat.
Well now that I think about it, we are like family...LOL!!!
Miranda your late...
yes Bell, bp08 actually stands for bitchplease08, why did you shorten your name?
Oh and BTW, your fat jeans just called and said that they should be retired...
where was that song from Dat Nigga?
Bella, girl it gets a little crazy in here. Check out Nature Vs Nurture.
I shortened my name because one of the authors told me to. They said that it might be a hinderance to the number of people that comment and visit the site because it may be offensive Miranda, much like your hair, luckily we are on line and cannot see you...LOL
but seriously Im still me...
I believe that song was from Madea's Family Reunion the movie. When I went to the theater to see that movie, it was the first thing you heard and I was entranced by the words and voice. Chaka is awesome!!
Cheryl Pepsi Riley also sings a version of it in the play "Why Did I get Married?" She did very well as she always does but she aint no Chaka!!
Although I heard they were best friends!!
well I just want to thank you guys for your feedback, you really gave me things to think about!!
Thanks H2O for posting!!! Do you guys meet in here every day, every other day or what?
We post everyday....except for weekends which I think will change soon.
I just read some of the older posts, bitchplease08 and Miranda you two are something else!!!! TV material at its finest!!!
I will check you guys out more often then...
Yeah we try Belladonna...
Miranda is such an easy target though...LMAO!!!!
I wish a nigga would bring me some shit home. I be damned if I get with a sick nigga. It's too much clean dick in the world. If all the love that comes my way is some sick dick then I will stay by my damn self. Now put that on your pipe and smoke it.
Girl, this your husband and yall on papers. You are entitled to half of everything. Graciously take your 50 and exit stage left. I hope he got something worth taking, if not u crazy for still pondering. I wish a broke nigga would bring something home. I will shoot his ass at the clinic. Where is Madea when you need her.
Wow, this was a very interesting topic of discourse. I learned a lot from reading all the comments. I have never been in a situation such as "Bella" but I can imagine it must be tough. I wish you well and pray you are guided to make the right decision.
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